[翻译交流]孔子印名片 HOW CONFUCIUS PRINTS HIS NAME CARD

网上读到此文，觉得挺有意思，今日抽空草译出来，献给所有对取英文名字感兴趣伤脑筋的国人。:-)

　　CONFUCIUS PRINTS NAME CARD

　　Confucius the Sage received an invitation to give a key-note speech at the opening of the American International Symposium of World Sinology. In excitement, he decided to have a box of name cards printed first.

　　The stationery shop owner greeted the Sage with extreme reverence. Learning that the name card had to be bilingual, he asked the Sage: “Could I know what name you prefer in English, Sir?”

　　“Isn’t that ‘Confucius’ handy enough?” replied the Sage.

　　 “That’s an honorific from foreigners, Sir,” said the shop owner with a smile. “It’s just a Latinized version of ‘Kong Fuzi’, or ‘Master Kong’, you know. You don’t want to call yourself Master Kong, do you?”

　　 “That sounds true,” the Sage admitted out loud, relishing his own repeated teachings on modesty. “What should I print, then?”

　　 “Tell you what, Du Fu was here, too, yesterday,” said the shop owner.

　　 “Oh, was he? So how did he do his name?” probed the Sage.

　　 “Well, at first Mr. Du chose ‘Tu Fu’,” said the shop-owner. “I said No, by all means, because it sounds too close to ‘Tofu’. Then he said why not reverse it to ‘Fu Tu’. That would be even worse, I told him, as it sounds like ‘hutu’ – the Chinese for ‘all-confused.”

　　 “So what was the solution then?” the Sage asked.

　　 “Well, finally I said to the master poet, ‘Don’t you style yourself Zi-mei? So Zimei, Zimei, … I got it!’ ‘You got what?’ Du Fu was puzzled. I said, ‘Du Zimei – so let’s call you Jimmy Tu!’”

　　 “Great!” the Sage laughed.

　　 “In fact Han Yu’s been here too,” the shop owner continued.

　　 “Really?” The Sage’s curiosity was further piqued. “He must have used ‘Han Yu’ on his card.”

　　 “That’s what he had wanted,” said the owner, “but I turned him flat down. It sounds too much like ‘Hang you’, doesn’t it? Then Master Han said, ‘How about put it the other way round?’ I said ‘You Hang’? That’s no good either! One wants you to be killed, and the other wants you to go kill. How gross!”

　　 “What happened next?” the Sage asked.

　　 “Well, then, …,” the shop owner was beaming with pride. “Then I remembered Master Han’s birth place, and I said to him, ‘Aren’t you the Han from Changli?’ ‘That’s right,’ said he. So I just told him to put ‘Charlie Han’ on the card.”

　　 “That’s marvelous! Truly marvelous!” The Sage laughed, but immediately frowned. “Now all their problems were solved. How about mine?”

　　The shop owner used his head a little, and burst out, “I got it!”

　　 “What now?” asked the Sage.

　　 “Don’t you have a style name Zhong-ni?” chuckled the shop owner.

　　 “You’re right.“ The Sage became all anxious.

　　 “Then why not use ‘Johnny Kong’!” exclaimed the shop owner.

　　Before long after that, the stationery shop became internationally famous. It was not until then that people realized that its owner was no other than the wisest man in China Master Zhuge Liang, or Joker Leon, as known in an English International Who’s Who.

　　[原文]

　　孔子印名片

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　　孔子收到美國「世界漢學國際研討會」的請柬，邀他在開幕典禮後作專題演講， 十分高興，準備先去印一盒名片。

　　文具店老闆見聖人來了，異常恭敬，問清楚名片要中英文對照，對孔子說：「英文的一面，不知該怎麼稱呼？」

　　「不是有現成的Confucius嗎？」孔子反問。

　　「那是外國人對您老的尊稱，『孔夫子』拉丁化的說法。」 老闆笑笑說，「您老不好意思自稱『孔夫子』吧。」

　　「那倒是的，」孔子想到自己平常鼓吹謙虛之道，不禁沉吟起來。「那，該怎麼印呢？」

　　「杜甫昨天也來過，」老闆說。

　　「哦，他的名字怎麼印的？」孔子問。

　　「杜先生本來要印Tu Fu，」老闆說。「我一聽，說，不好，太像『豆腐』。杜先生說，那就倒過來，叫Fu Tu好了。我說，那更不行，簡直像『糊塗』！」

　　「那怎麼辦？」孔子問。

　　「後來我對詩聖說：『您老不是字子美嗎？子美，子美……有了！』

　　杜甫說：『怎麼有了？』我說：『杜子美，就叫Jimmy Tu吧！』」

　　孔子笑起來，叫一聲「妙」！

　　「其實韓愈也來過，」老闆又說。

　　「真的呀？」孔子更好奇了。「他就印Han Yu吧？」

　　「本來他要這樣的，」老闆說。「我一聽又說不行，太像Hang you了。韓老說，『倒過來呢？』我說，You hang？那也不行。不是『吊死你』就是『你去上吊吧』，太不雅了。」

　　「後來呢？」孔子問。

　　「後來呀，」老闆得意洋洋，「還是我想到韓老的故鄉，對他說：『您老不是韓 昌黎嗎？』他說『是呀』。我說就印Charlie Han好了。」

　　「太好了，太好了！」孔子笑罷，又皺起眉頭，說，「他們都解決了，可是我到底怎麼印呢？」

　　老闆想了一下，叫道，「有了！」

　　「怎麼啦？」孔子問。

　　「您老不是字仲尼嗎？」老闆笑道。

　　「對呀，」孔子滿臉期待。

　　老闆大叫：「就印Johnny Kong好了！」

　　不久那家文具店國際聞名。大家這才發現，那老闆原來是諸葛亮。